My Subconscious Fight for Freedom
AN INTERNAL DIALOGUE:
I desire that my subconscious spews forth, like vomit from the innermost part of me. Spewing all of the toxins from within that have kept me slave to a past I forgot ... Or at least, I thought.
A benighted slave. But, yet, I yell, “freedom.” Silly me!
Atticus once wrote, “Her heart was wild, but I didn’t want to catch it. I wanted to run with it to set mine free.” For me, in this moment, there is no truer -ism to describe my desire to break free from the bond that has grabbed ahold of me and left me standing stagnant, chasing distractions, as if they are the key to all that
I long for. Wild and free, is the opposite; an oxymoron of sorts, when you compare current reality to my dream of who I could be and where I should be. There are some things that I have asked for in the silent sinews of my heart, and had it not been for God saying no, and His divine prevention that barred me from walking through the forbidden door, I would have dug a grave for me that was so deep, there would have been no way of escape. It was God’s willful ignorance of me, as I tried to play tug of war, that opened my eyes in the valley experience called NO. Here I sit with myself, within myself, with a burning desire to put pen to paper, my finger to the stroke of a keyboard, writing; which is exactly what God told me to do in the first place. The key to setting my soul free is not wrapped tightly in freeing others; that is my deflection. It is in exposing myself to the freedom that I chase and introducing it to others. Yet, how can I lead someone down a path that I, myself, seek to escape the trod? Why can I not allow my heart to be free-so wild, that it cannot be caught? Why can’t we all be wild horses?
They say ... because, God made you in His image, and bearing that image has divine expectations. God says, whom the Son sets free, is free indeed. But freedom requires authenticity.
Are you Free? If not, Jesus is the WAY!
Sha'Leda Mirra, Author
Copyright 2020, All Rights Reserved
Photo bySasha Freemindon